she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
