I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
