her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
