Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
