Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
you didnt know i had herpes?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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