Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
