is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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