Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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