so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
