Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
