The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
