Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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