So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
