i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
