yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
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