Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
