So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
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