i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
