Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I want to be your penis for a week.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
