she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
