if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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