it wasn't lemon gatorade
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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