Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
