is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
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