your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Randomize
