Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
