so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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