Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
