6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I intend to get homeless drunk
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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