Duck Duck Cougar?
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
