bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
