Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
