wakey wakey hands off snakey
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
