i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
