You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
