I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
pop tarts are not kleenex
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
