Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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