i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
