i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
