I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
