This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
