I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
