Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
