Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
