The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I will die if light touches me.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
