Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
