You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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