in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
