When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Randomize
