I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
